I am getting married in 22 days.
It is very sobering to think how God has blessed me in this whole relationship with a very serious young man, who cares about what God, my family, and those in headship over me want me to do.
I am so very blessed to have friends who have helped me ask questions about whether I am doing what God wants or what I want.
I have been given such a blessing in my own Mothers permission, and blessing on how we have gone about the beginning, middle, and end of our relationship.
I am thankful for everything my Mom is doing to help me be prepared to respect, honor, and obey my future husband.
I am thankful for my future husbands ability to help me focus on what is the real cause of my anxiety at times, when all I want to do is cry, and not search out what I am actually feeling.
I am thankful for the careful examination of my future husband, that my sibblings have given me; I am also thankful for their excaptance of him as my future husband, and their own developed friendships with him.
I am thankful for home he has provided for us, for the job he has given me, for the work he has given my future husband, and I am thankful that I can trust that God will provide for every need.
I am thankful that God has been testing me, that Michael has stayed with me, I am thankful that Michael has grown in understanding towards me, and we have both grown more adult in our relationship towards each other in the process. I am thankful for the 5-day stay in the hospital, and learning how I am not always strong enough to be independent, and I sometimes have to learn to be dependent upon what God will provide, and then listening to Michael (again another struggle) instead of paying the bill right away, and going to the hospital as he said, and getting a 100% refund - hurting my own pride in the fact, that I had to listen to him, instead of going my way, but listening to him was what God wanted. I am very thankful that God has given me soo much, and blessed me with my best girlfriend in Washington Hannah Freeman, in my class, and to work our part-time cleaning job. I am thankful for the Vacuum God has provided, and for the car that Michael was able to fix. I am thankful for our former pastor Crane, and Judy Crane to have been given a lovely home, and for giving up soo much for us here in Matlock, and enduring soo much in our church that is a major trial to lead, I am thankful for the split in our church, taking away the women who were controlling the church, and leaving the few God fearing members who believe in Male lead leadership in our church to be left, I pray that Jamie Wybenga would continue to pray for her husband, and for strong male leadership, I am soo blessed to have witnessed the prayers of soo many pastors, and soooo many people starting to be answered in this church, after the people who have prayed have moved on, it is sooo amazing, to see it, and it also makes me sad to be leaving right as it all happens.
I am soo thankful for my time in Matlock, the Christ followers I have met in the church at Hoodsport, and the church on Harstine being soo welcoming towards me, and having already known pastor Spears, I am soo thankful for all of this, and I cannot wait to see where God will take all of what he is stirring up here.
~Lael

I have been thinking about my 2 year degree in my fiance, and it seems to me that it is about time I have written a mini-paper on him.
I would like to sort of capture one aspect about him, right now that I really like, but sometimes is very frustrating to learn how to relate to, as I am not the same as he is in this way.
My fiance has the love language of "quality time", basically this means he feels loved when I spend one on one time communicating back and forth with him. The problem comes when I do not spend enough time with him, and instead give most of my time to others, like my sister, my Mother, my siblings, my friends.
What I like about his love language is, that I like spending time with him, because of who he is.
Part of who Michael is, is the personality of someone who is duty bound, he knows what he is supposed to be about and doing, and has the work ethic to do it. He is forever hounding me after when we are going to do things that matter together, like "marriage counseling", i.e. are we going to work on our homework on "Mon, Tues, Wed, Thurs, or Fri?"(or all of these days?). I tend to be someone not so well disciplined, so Michael has helped me learn a bit more about work ethic. He tends to like doing our homework together, I struggle learning with other people, he doesn't quite get that part of me, so sometimes when I ask if we should do are homework seperatly he takes it as I don't want to spend time with him. (not true at All!)
I think for Michael, Quality time means "I love you" because somehow to him, if I take aside time to just focus on him, he feels valued more then if I bought him a tractor, or told him "Thank you sooo much for changing the oil in my car!" or gave him a hug.
Now on the other hand, if I went with him to buy a tractor, and sat there and discussed it with him, and made facial/eye contact, he would feel loved.
Or if I helped him change the oil in my car, and then thanked him, he would feel loved.
Or if I gave him a hug, with a few minutes just being near each other, he would also feel loved.
Sooo it is such a strange thing, learning about this person, and trying to get a two year degree in him, I am about  1 semester away from being completed with my AA in him, so lets see, Do I always agree/like/ totally feel head over heels in love with him.... Honestly? Uhm... no. But do I always love him inside of me, ... even when I disagree/am frustrated/irritated/just want to be about as far away from him as possible? Yes! And those feelings last about 5-15 min., and then he/or I realize how stupid we are being, and come to a decision on what matters more, is this "hill" something we want to -die- split- be bitter about, or is it something that is to be overcome, and build character.
That is my speil for today,
Yours truly,
~The words of Affirmation girl.

I went to see Dr. Celestine last Friday, and had an examination.
She told me some things, one of which was that there is a very likely chance that I will not be able to have kids. She said for, more then one reason- The pain I had, was in the region where you can have :

*Abnormalities of the uterus (she said I am very small in that area- when she did the pap-smear, but to truly tell- they would have to do an internal examination- which she did not want to do until I had attempted sex and really attempted to have kids, and was unsuccessful)

*Endometriosis - if I do have this, she says I need to try to have kids as soon as possible, but the chances are great that I would not be able to have kids after I am 25.

*I was treated for having Pelvic Inflammatory Disease, while never having had sex (it is a sexually transmitted disease) she said this is very bad, because the Antibiotics kill everything (good and bad) down there, so now if I encounter any issues in that area it will be worse, and they will have to use a lesser antiobiotic. (as the body sometimes builds up tolerance level, so that using these antibiotics wouldn't help) She was extremely irritated that a different doctor had assigned these to me, while I hadn't had sex.

Dr. Celestine is a christian, which is always a comfort to have, and I have thanked God for this. But she was telling me that I need to discuss this with Michael, more, because even though he is a christian, some men really desire to have their own kids, and if I do have issues with infertility, then it is better to be upfront about it, then to wait until after you are married.
While I acknowledge that fact, I feel like I am half-human, or very possibly half-human.
I really want to have my own kids.
And she says, it is very possible that I can have kids, that are mine and Michaels.
But it could mean waiting a few years to save up money - if she is correct in her thinking that I will be infertil. Either through adoption or being foster parents, or other means of reproducing children through insemination.

So that is my little odd post,
I know this is not a typical post for me, but I have been thinking about this alot, and it is wearing me down.
I have to give my desire to have my own kids to God, I think I have let it consume me.
I have always thought I would be able to have my own kids, and I am realizing more and more, that this is God's precious gift!
It is very true, that you don't value something, as much as you should, until you realize you might lose it, or in my case might not have it to lose, or have great diffulty keeping it.

There are also several women who struggled with being barren, in the bible,
Sarah (Gen. 16-21)
Rebekah  (Gen. 25)
Rachel (Gen. 30) - who died giving birth to Benjamin-
Hannah (1 Samuel. 1)
Elisabeth (Luke 1) - until she had John the Baptist-
In all these cases, God opened their wombs, but there is also Michal, within the scriptures, and God did not open her womb.
God holds the womb, tightly in his protection, and life is no accident.
Here are some pictures that are from this past month, as we are entering Spring.
*I must admit, Washington in the Spring is beautiful.*


This is a hibernating bumble bee.
 
My teacher explaining how to identify trees.
 
Campus Flowers...
 
Lake Nawatzle

The sunsetting at Lake Nawatzle
 
Blossoms!- In Shelton-

I just got out of the hospital, on Monday.
God has blessed me with soo much!
And since it is spring, I have been thinking of the beautiful days that I just love,
When I am in a day like the ones I have pictures of below, I feel like "this is why God called his creation good." Because you can feel Him, in every action, every smile, and the sun, and the grass. It is good!



 
All I can say today, is Thank you God, for everything!
I love you, and love how your creation glorifies you!

"They take great pride in making their dinner cost much;

I take my pride in making my dinner cost so little."

---Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)